Teaser Tuesday #4: The New Ch. 1

Yay! I'm posting a teaser again. I go in spells. But, after a massive brainstorming session with my friend, Hazel, I realized that the 37k I had already written on TD were going to have to change quite a bit. I already knew this, because I committed the newbie mistake of mistakes. It was horrid in fact. I started TD with my MC waking up from a dream! *Runs and hides from the shame of it.* *Comes back with a crimson face.* Oh, but it was worse than that, my friends. That was the second version of Ch. 1. The first version was my MC IN a dream. Yes, I'm already so embarrassed, I couldn't possibly turn more red. So there it is. Version one of Ch. 1 of TD was horrid.

That brings me to this week's teaser. This little snippet is from the new (and, good grief, I hope improved) version of TD's Ch. 1. It's the cliched first day of school and Fred is meeting her best friends, Aeron and Olivia for breakfast before school starts. It's in it's craptastic first draft form. Here ya go...

Snipped...Thanks for the comments!!

I love to read your comments, so let me know what you think! They don't have to be all praising either. If you think it sucks, you can tell me. I won't bust out the tissues and sob. Okay, maybe a little, but then I'll suck it up and work on things. :-D

Note: I have no clue why this stupid quotations thing isn't working right. I'm trying to fix it. In the meantime, sorry for the massive amounts of lines!!

8 comments:

Becca said...

I really like Liv!! She's hilarious. I'm glad you're still writing. Don't worry about your mistakes--we all make them. :)

<3

Karla Nellenbach said...

I love Olivia! Just from this little snip I can already see that she's that wild, fun-loving, but ultra-protective friend that every girl wants and needs to have.

J.S. Wood said...

Love the characters and I really want to see more of the hottie male :)

Glen Akin said...

I'll tell you, Olivia steals the show. Love her to bits, hands down. Great tease :)

Annie McElfresh said...

No matter what verison I read, I always heart Liv. LOL She leaps off the page.

Love this new intro! Can I just say now I'm hungry for waffels...LOL

Courtney said...

I know I'm late in commenting on your layout, but I love it! Maybe you can help me find some more festive layout for mine. Mine's a little too white....

V said...

Don't worry about your old beginnings. I started my old project with someone waking up and looking at a clock and a discussion of the weather right before the first day of school. ("How many 'novel opener' cliches can you jam into a beginning? Let me show you...")

And GOSH Aeron sounds cute! I am also curious about his transformation and what prompted him-- and also why he was sick the last time she saw him. Anyway, I'm drawn in, which is what you want from an opening. :-)

Stephanie Jenkins said...

You already know this, but I have quite a crush on Aeron. And like Annie, I'm hungry for waffles. Great snip!! :)